As Life Goes: Gen. 5.4-Matthew

The next day Mom spent a lot of time out with her plants. She had broken down into tears when Dad got home after his attempted talk with Claudia’s mom. He said her mind was made up and that she wouldn’t let her daughter’s life be ruined by some ‘careless fuck-up’.  Dad tried to tell them that we would take the baby, but Claudia refused to be 'fat and ugly'. I needed focus. I needed order. Counting wasn’t even helping. I was restless the whole day. I constantly checked the sinks making sure there were no leaks. I cleaned everything.

I brushed Vor, twelve strokes on one side followed by twelve on the other. Kraig and Dax had both been calling and texting me, but I didn’t respond. Around 5 I got one from her: It’s done. I sat and stared at it. Why did she send that? It was bad enough she was getting done, but to text me? Frustrated I got up, and changed quickly.

“Where are you going?” Dad asked.

“I need out for a bit. Going for a run.” I left before he could say anything.

I ran hoping the air would clear my head. I kept going over that fight with her, her hateful words replayed in my head. “Someone old and rich…having a brat…” I pushed myself harder as I ran, counting each stride. I cared about her. I was her friend, her shoulder to cry on. I’d let her talk me into all sorts of things because I loved her. I was stupid, everyone tried to tell me she was bad news, a user, even Uncle Carter and Grandpa Davis told me I shouldn’t get so serious at such a young age but did I listen? No!

My pace picked up…seventy-three, seventy-four, seventy-five…I can’t believe I was so blinded by her. How could I not have seen what kind of person she really was?!...eighty-two, eighty-three… I kept running, my legs started to burn but I didn’t care. It’s done…the text popped into my head. I’d found out I was going to be a father, then lost that child in a space of twenty-four hours. “I don’t want it…” eighty-seven, eighty-eight...

I was only 17, was I really ready to be a father? Sure my parents would have been supportive and helped, but that would have been a major alteration to my life. I could have done it. I have family, lots of family. How could she just not give me a say? How was that fair? “…the manner I require…” She was nothing more than a user, an opportunist. She wanted the easy way. To marry some rich old guy and live the life of luxury. I stopped running once I reached the cove.

“She doesn’t know,” I said out loud trying to catch my breath. Laughter over took me. Claudia wanted a rich guy that would spoil her but she didn't know that's what she already had. A girl like her was not someone I needed to have in my life, or my family's life. I hated that this whole situation made my mother so sad. I wished I could go back and listen to their warnings, or not lied to my parents to spend so much time with her. There were many things I would change if I could, but unfortunately I couldn't.

The rest of the weekend I spent being extra nice to Mom. I helped in the garden watched those cheesy romantic comedy movies with her. I felt bad for how upset she still was. She'd be fine during the day, but I'd hear her crying in her room at night. Claudia’s decision upset me, but I was more pissed off at how it affected my mother. I had my role in the situation, I knew that, and I was going to do my best to make up for it. I could do that by spending more time with her and making sure she, and Dad knew how much I appreciated them.

I thought I was ready to face Claudia until Monday rolled around. I made my bed, making sure there wasn’t a wrinkle in sight. Brushed my teeth, counting to make sure I did an even number of strokes, then I checked the sink to make sure it was shut off tightly. Mom and Dad noticed I was distracted at breakfast and offered to let me stay home if I needed to, but I declined. I’d done nothing wrong. I could face her. I picked up Kraig and Dax and talking to them kept my mind off her temporarily. Dax was telling me he was glad I’d finally broke up with her. I’d not told them why, it was bad enough nothing was kept quiet in the family.

Mom never used the family’s status to do things, but she’d called Grandpa to see if he could do anything to stop Claudia. He was angry, but there simply wasn’t enough time to try, he’d said if she’d given us more notice we could have taken her to court possibly. I hadn’t been sure if I wanted to deal with all of that anyway, especially knowing the kind of person she really was. As painful as it was to admit it, but her rash decision was for the best. I’d never say that out loud to Mom though.

Continue Reading: "As Life Goes: Gen. 5.4-Matthew"

As Life Goes: Gen. 5.3-Matthew

***SENSITIVE ISSUE CHAPTER***

The start of my junior year. Dad taught me to drive and Grandpa bought me a new car the day I got my license. Mom and Dad weren’t all that happy about it. They’d got me a little scooter to use, but I couldn’t take Claudia out in that, and what happened on rainy days. They couldn’t deny that logic.

I still hung out with Dax and Kraig. I was the first one to get a car so they were just as excited as I was. Not that not having a car stopped us. One of the parents would drive me into town when I needed. At times I kinda wished we didn’t live so far away from everything, but the idea of moving freaked me out a bit. I was already preparing myself a year in advance for college. When we toured Bay University, I’d originally wanted to rent an apartment. I wasn’t really keen on staying in the dorms, but they did have co-ed dorms so that was a plus.

Claudia and I were still dating, exclusively dating, for the past few months. She would come over and we’d do homework and such together. My courses seem to come easier to me this year and I was acing nearly all of them. Claudia struggled a bit so I was happy to help when I could. We no longer had many classes together, since I bumped up to the more advanced levels. The only class we did have was History but luckily we still had the same lunch period. Mom had warmed up to her and by warmed up, stopped asking me if we were still dating on a weekly basis. Claudia was funny and a blast to hang around. Hell, even Dax and Kraig stopped giving me as much shit about her when they realized she was a big a prankster as the three of us. 

When we wanted ‘alone’ time we usually hung out at her house. My parents didn’t know how much her mom wasn’t home. I didn’t like lying to them so I’d tell them we were meeting up at the library or something, which wouldn’t be a total untruth. We just didn’t stay there long.

Junior prom was approaching. Claudia told me no at first. She wasn’t into all those sorts of traditions and thought they were kinda stupid. Then she said she couldn’t go because her mom wouldn’t give her money for a dress. Claudia told me it was because her father hadn’t paid his child support in a while and her mom was pissed. For some reason that woman wanted to punish Claudia for her dad’s actions. I thought that was unfair. I’d only met her mom once or twice in the two years I’d know Claudia. I came from such a close knit family seeing how different Claudia’s was, I had a hard time wrapping my head around it. My family did things for the holidays we were always together if we could be. Sometimes Aunt Hope and Uncle Caleb came out other times we’d go to Aurora Skies to be with them. Since I felt bad Claudia didn’t want to go with me because she wouldn’t have a dress I decided to take her shopping since I’d just gotten paid. I never did much with the money I earned from the store anyway and so I had most of it saved in an account Dad made me open. He was big on teaching me financial responsibility.

Continue Reading: "As Life Goes: Gen. 5.3-Matthew"

Going Solo: Gen. 5.2-Matthew

After the project was over, Claudia and I still hung out from time to time. Since I’d grown up here, I knew all the best spots to hang out and she liked having fun. We’d pull pranks sometimes, but luckily never got caught. Mom and Dad didn’t mind my smaller things, but I think they would have blown a gasket if they knew I was out egging houses.

Sometimes she’d come over to the house she was always polite to Mom and Dad, but sometimes I got the feeling Mom didn’t like her that much. I just wrote it off as her not being ready for her ‘baby’ to grow up. She wasn’t the smothering type of mom, which was a good thing, but she still had her moments. I guessed it had something to do with them not having any other kids.

I’d asked them about it once since both Kraig and Dax have a slew of siblings. Mom just said that sometimes people where blessed with more than others and left it at that. I didn’t mind being an only child though; especially when I’d listen to Dax complain about his siblings. He was the oldest so his parents looked to him to help take care of the others.

Claudia had two younger siblings. Her mom was recently divorced for the third time and had moved them to the ‘god-forsaken’ place-her words- in search of a new job. They used to live in Bridgeport and she loved it there, according to her, she was a city girl and wanted out of this small town place as soon as possible. I tried to tell her that Barnacle Bay wasn’t that bad. I liked it here, the fresh air and amazing views from almost any place in town. I thought it was a great place to live.

When I wasn’t hanging with Claudia or my buddies, I helped out at the store. We owned two and Dad was getting ready to open a third in Riverview. He’d hired both Kraig and Dax as bag boys part-time with me under the strict rule that there was to be no goofing off while on the clock. Most days to ensure this, since he knew us too well, we worked opposite days during the week. It wasn’t so bad and the guys were happy to have a boss that gave really flexible scheduling. It was good to be friends with the boss’ son. Having a ‘job’ was also great since I had money to take Claudia out.

We were sorta dating, she had a bit of a jaded view on relationships because of her mother, but she and I would go out and make out from time to time. We did that mostly at her house since her mom was rarely home and her siblings spent a lot of time at the sitters. She was a great kisser, that was for sure. On occasion she would flirt with other guys. I didn’t like it and when I told her, she got a little pissed and told me I was trying to control her. Dax and Kraig told me I needed to stay away from her, but she came back a few days later and apologized. She wasn’t ready for a ‘serious’ relationship considering we were only 15 which was understandable I guess.

Another school year passed. The parents still had to help me with homework sometimes, but the courses were actually getting better. Things were still on again off again with Claudia. Whenever she’d have a ‘break-up’ with whatever guy she was seeing, she’d always call me up for comforting. Her latest one was some loser that was going to the local community college. Dax and Kraig told me she was using me, but that wasn’t true. Claudia was a sweet girl, just a little misunderstood. Besides Mom and Dad always told me I should help a friend in need if I could, so if my presence helped Claudia I should do that.

Continue Reading: "Going Solo: Gen. 5.2-Matthew"

Going Solo: Gen. 5.1-Matthew

***So I am putting this warning here. Matt's gen will touch on some sensitive issues. I plan to cover aspects of mental issues given the traits he has rolled (neurotic and eccentric). There will be incidents during his generation that will focus on these issues and a few others that may be hard on some. Those chapters will be given an additional warning. I just wanted to make you aware of this fact in advance.***

Today was a big day. It was my birthday and I was excited. I would get my wings today, my real wings. Dad and I had lots of conversations about this day. I’d wanted my wings for a long time. I mean I know I have them, but they are these funny looking things where as Dad’s and Mom’s were so majestic. I would be like them today. We arrived a little early, Mom wanted to make sure everything was perfect. I couldn’t wait to see what gift Grandma and Grandpa got me. I told them I wanted a new laptop, but Mom said I didn’t need it. Grandpa liked getting me stuff anyway so I was pretty sure I’d get it. I’d already gotten the best gift from Great Grammy Wind. Dad had been telling her how Vor was getting old and Mom had been sad over the thought of losing him. I was too, he was my best friend, well she sent this stuff that Dad put on his food and the next day he was young again.

It was amazing. Mom was so happy. Dad liked making her happy and Vor was going to be with us for a long time still so it was a win/win.

The guest had arrived, it was time for my party. I blew out the candles and made my wish. My body tingled…gone were the little wings, in their place pink ones. PINK! I was a boy with pink wings. I would never live that down!!! 

Mom laughed when she saw my face, she must have known what I was thinking. Dad said it was all those jokes I liked to play and the color was nothing to worry about. I had a playful spirit and that was a good thing. He was right about that, it was fun to joke around, although not everyone felt that way.

I got to enjoy the summer hanging out with my friends. Kraig was like me, he like to joke and have a good time. We could get into a lot of trouble together.

Dax and I had been friends since elementary school and we still got along great. Hanging out and goofing off was our favorite pastime.

Summer passed too quickly and it was the morning of the first day of high school. I got up and made my bed. Brushed my teeth.

Continue Reading: "Going Solo: Gen. 5.1-Matthew"

Erin bachelorette challenge: The finale

"Honey you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah Mom, I think it's time for me to go."

"But, Roaring Heights? Why not buy a place here, stay close."

Mom who had always been so supportive of our decisions was having a hard time with me leaving. I was the baby of the family, and she was not looking forward to being an empty nester. I needed a change, a break from things. I loved my family, but being around nothing but couples was weighing on me. Dad also wasn't happy with the idea of my leaving but I needed to branch out. Hope said she liked Roaring Heights. Palm trees, night clubs, fun times. Lots of opportunity for me to figure out what I wanted to do in life.

So I bet you're wondering how I got here; back home and still alone.

The final week in Sunlit Tides didn't bring me any clarity.

Each of them were special to me and I just couldn't make a choice. Picking one meant hurting the other three. Well two...Gabe and I had a talk and he took himself out of the equation.

It wasn't that he didn't like me, but he felt the same way I did. There could be something there if we really worked at it, but for the most part we mutually understood we'd be better at friends. Plus the idea of a wife and kids were more his parents wants than his.

I wished him well and he left. I tried everything I could think of to make a decision. More one on one time with the guys only made things worse. I spent more time upset than enjoying myself. I never expected it to be so hard.

When the time came, I finally picked no one. It was a sad day, and a first in the history of The One. Even if the couples didn't stay together after the show, there was always someone picked. I felt so terrible not being able to make a choice.

America had made their pick on who they felt I would be better suited with, but even that didn't help me. I had private goodbyes with each guy. It was hard and tears were shed. They were all so sweet and understanding which only made me feel so much worse.

Continue Reading: "Erin bachelorette challenge: The finale"

Going Solo: Grace Gen 4.28

Today my baby was growing up. I couldn't believe how the time had flown by. It seemed like only yesterday I was bringing Matthew home from the hospital and today he was turning 6. A big boy, going off to school in the fall. Growing up. Jonas and I decided to throw his party at the local candy store. Kids loved to hang out there to play games and have fun. Hope and Caleb couldn't make it out this time. Caleb's niece had been attacked and they were dealing with a family crisis. I felt bad for Starr. She was a nice girl, liked to have fun. I had an ache in my heart hearing what happened to her. I knew all too well how she was feeling.

The rest of the family was here to help us celebrate as was Wind who had been back to visit on several occasions. The party was a great success and everyone had fun.

Matt and Vor were as close as ever. Nearly every waking moment was spent playing together, well that was when Matt wasn't playing tricks on people. He was a bit of a prankster. Sometimes they were okay, other times, well he brought out the hot head in his father.I didn't mind too much, he was only being a kid.

A few months later, it was time for school. I got up early to make sure Matt had a good, hot breakfast, while Matt got up to make sure Vor had his morning meal.

Jonas has to hold me as I cried watching him get on the bus. I knew I couldn't keep him sheltered from the world forever, but it just felt like he was growing up too fast. Matthew was a smart boy, and did well in school, but Jonas and I would still help him with his homework sometimes.

Continue Reading: "Going Solo: Grace Gen 4.28"

Erin bachelorette challenge: Week 5

Week 5 Activities:

One on one time: Individual dates so I changed things up a bit. Each guy got Erin to himself for a few hours each day. They left the house and hung out at the beach, swimming and boating. I had the guys do flirt once then let them act on their own for 1 hour. They had to get things from group outing to date within that hour if they could. Afterwards it was activity time for 3 hours. When that was finished they came back to shore giving them prompts up to alluring so they could have their first kiss. After the kiss was completed I let them go until they stopped interacting with each other ending the date. Back home was on free will until next date. The guys all had the stir crazy moodlet so I needed to get them out of the house.

***

After I sent King away, I was really starting to rethink my agreement to come on this show.  I was getting too attached and the idea of possibly breaking someone's heart was not something I enjoyed. The guy's attention of me was heating up with them knowing what was at stake.

I felt like I wasn't getting enough alone time with each guy to really get a good idea of how I felt about them. Maybe if I had longer with them individually that things would become clearer and I'd be able to see who I had the strongest connection with. After discussing it with Taryn, she agreed to let me go on individual dates this week. Each guy would get me to themselves, off property for a few hours. The producers put all their names in a hat to determine the order of the dates.

Cal was first. It was a great day at the beach. We laughed and flirted. Played in the ocean a bit and I felt like I could see myself being with him everyday. Since I was so confused about what I wanted, I hadn't planned on getting too physical but a lot can be learned in a kiss. Leaning in, I connected my lips to his. Sparks flew. There were fireworks going off in my head! Cal was a great kisser and every nerve ending in my body came alive with excitement. If all of them made me feel this way I was going to be in more trouble. We we got back to the house, Cal and I were both all smiles. It was a great day having alone time to really connect. Tensions were running high, tempers were flaring.

Gabe found me in the sauna. Considering how close we'd grown his anger surprised me. I was at a loss and for the first time I actually cried in front of one of them. He tried to apologize, but the damage was done. Each guy was going to get their time with me, but I guess he read too much into Cal going first.

Mars walked in, saw me upset and yelled at Gabe. They both asked if I was ok, but I just wanted to be alone. On the way to my room, I heard Marty call my name.

I was surprised to see him when I turned around. Tonight was a full moon and it was the first time I'd seen him in his wolf form. I wasn't shocked like I thought I would be. I just wanted this all to be over, but I knew I still had time left. He asked if I was ok, he'd heard the yelling.

Continue Reading: "Erin bachelorette challenge: Week 5"